Footnote

Bones, botched bangs, and step count recovery: a list!

Starting 2026 on a brutal note, I have a stress fracture in my second metatarsal. I don’t really know how or when it happened, only that my usual activities (running, tennis, barre) were getting more and more painful until I could not walk without pain. I have worked out like a maniac since the 90s. I started exercising in attempts to look like Cindy Crawford but over the decades exercise became my top priority, both for mental peace and, yes, vanity.

Vintage workout gear inspo

This foot situation is forcing me to sit still, to let go of my daily step count obsession, and to find different ways to exhaust myself. Open to suggestions! I’m lifting weights and doing the stationary bike, as well as going to pilates. Not being able to walk normally, now with the exhaustion of a limped stride, is my upside down (I don’t watch stranger things!). Plus, I live in NYC.

But the upside is I’ll have more time to write. In my mid thirties it hit me that I would probably be in a completely different (better) place, professionally, had I not spent so much time exercising. During grad school our department had brown bag events every Friday afternoon. These were a chance to network with the professors, talk to other students and start making the necessary, self promoting moves towards a career. I never went to one of them. Instead, I was at the two hour Kula Yoga flow class every Friday with Schulyer Grant. Up the green steps at 28 Warren St. It was PACKED, mats were literally touching. This was probably the closest I’ve ever been to a cult, and, ngl, it was amazing. I recently heard someone on TikTok say that people who go to workout classes have a ‘praise kink.’ Touche! But, at 51, I am relieved I didn’t give academia ALL of myself or time. As the saying goes, your job will never love you back. This is especially true with academia.

RIP Kula Yoga @28 Warren

For 2026, my first hope is to get back to walking, pain free. And eventually get back to tennis. As I sit here Jan 1, icing my foot, I’m thinking about what happens when we’re forced to slow the fuck down. In no particular order, here are some of the things I am looking forward to, things I love and plan to take into the new year, and things I hope to let go of. Part resolutions, part shopping list, part reminder:

Looking forward:

1. Walking again. Ugh, I LOVE to walk, especially at night. Especially in the Midwest in the summer. It stays light so much later there, I can head out at 9PM and have light for at least 45 minutes. Is there a word for the feeling, the drop in blood pressure that happens when one looks at the sky or horizon?

2. Lifting weights. I’m embarrassed to admit I ever worried about “bulking up.” Ugh.

3. Tennis. It’s taken me until now to understand the mindset needed for tennis, at exactly the point my body is not cooperating! When I was young and had abundant and cushy collagen protecting my joints, my mind couldn’t fully get into the zone. But after watching professional basketball and experiencing plummeting estrogen levels, I think, mentally, I would be a beast on the court now.

4. Speaking of the court, going to more WNBA games this year.

5. Watching my kids become young adults. Not to sound cringe (and thank you This Might Be Cringe for permission) but I have loved every stage of mothering. I think because I have great kids! Yes, motherhood has been all the things, but honestly to watch young people (including my students) find their humor, interests, friends, style is mindblowing…10/10.

6. Writing here more.

7. Framing art

   

   drawing by my partner

8. Politics. Like all of NYC, I am PSYCHED about Mamdani. And, like probably all middle aged women and “gaytriots,” I am obsessed with the I’ve Had It Podcast ladies. I came of age during Reagan, I haven’t seen or heard this kind of progressive voice, at this scale, ever. Oh, and looking forward to Brad Lander hopefully ousting Dan Goldman. Let’s get rid of the corporate dems! And, yes, I know: politics will NOT save us. But it’s feeling good to watch the narrative change about what is possible, desirable and fair.

9. Finding more amazing Substack writers!

10. Any and all discussions about how dumb AI is, and hopefully watching it blow up in any company’s face who uses it. Just got a copy of “The AI Con” by Emily Bender and Alex Hanna. Will report back.

Hanging on:

11. Comfortable shoes. Loving my New Balance 574s and Aurora shoes, a 90s classic that bridged the Grunge-Hippie scene back in the day.

12. Fancy flat shoes, meaning these: Martinianos.

    

    pic taken pre-injury!

13. All this great knowledge from women in finance. I love to learn from women about money, investing. I wish I had encountered people such as Healthy Rich and Money with Katie 25 years ago. And yet, I also think we need more frank discussions that all the finance knowledge in the world cannot help when MOST people are not paid enough to meet the basic necessities of life.

14. Cotton Underwear: love these, via recommendation from Viv Chen

15. Writing groups, reading groups, creative groups.

16. Vintage sweatshirts from the 70s and 80s. Love the slim fit from this era and the slightly jarring colors.

17. Clothing from women designers: I’ve had this jacket from Gil Rodriguez on nonstop, it looks great dressed up or down, cinched or baggy. I’m also crushing on everything from Ruadh.

18. Apple Music! A student group did a project on Apple vs. Spotify and they were right: Apple’s interface is less meme-ish, and more relaxing. I moved to Spotify to listen to podcasts after the 2016 presidential election. Going back to my music library on Apple has been a reminder of the before times and the general bubbly vibes of the era. Some of my favorite rediscoveries: Cookies and this song and The Dutchess and the Duke. Plus, a new to me band I’m loving, Upchuck.

19. Everything written by Ellen Willis. I discovered her in Roxanne Gay’s The Portable Feminist and realized I had an edited volume of Willis’s essays, which I haven’t put down since May. There are at least two essays in the works on some of her ideas.

Letting Go:

20. Daily step counts: my mental sanity cannot hinge on 10k steps a day. I have no idea how to let this go, probably involves the Brick and ditching the Apple Watch. Any recovering step count addicts?

21. Dinner. Done! I’m having toast and these olives, and everyone else is going to have to figure their own situations out.

    

    yum

22. The New York Times. Fuck these people

23. Spotify. The CEO is not good. And talk about a terrible algorithm! I listened to Geese and now cannot escape every iteration of Cameron Winter.

24. Judging myself for shopping! Draft on this coming up, see #19.

25. Apple Watch (see #20). Is there a substitute? It’s ugly, and it’s torturing me with its quantification of my movement, steps, heart rate.

26. this is the list! I’ll leave #26 open…

Back to my foot, I was telling my daughter, I have to treat this injury like a botched, too-short bang trim. Meaning, there’s nothing you can do but you give in and enjoy every phase of your bangs as they grow out. I’ll try to do the same with my foot, focus on the recovery, however incremental.

I’ll end with this other picture from Kula circa early 2000s, seems like this is the prayer we need: